Break. Down.

Take a break, some "down time."

My body is "breaking down" from training-- this is part of it... Now I need to allow it to re-build itself, heal itself.

Emotional break down... is needed every now and then to purge the self of pent up stresses, stresses we may not be aware of until the actual break down.

Or in my case, hearing certain stories has dredged up old feelings of: disillusion, guilt and overwhelming...overwhelming...for lack of a better wor[l]d (interesting typo) OVERWHELMING-NESS.

I'm talking about myself, myself having been an educator for sometime now, and yesterday I was reminded of the state of education: teachers burning out, a faulty system, and students that have been let down...

But there is hope...

I'm still working thru ALL this and things come in bits and pieces...

Assessing myself, I think:

Why now am I drowning in memories? Why now when I have much to do today, much to do everyday? When I have much to plan for? Why now are these memories occupying my mind like an unwanted presence in a relatively "free and independent" country; Well... not quite the analogy I was going for, but hey! I'll leave it.


So 5-6 years ago I earned a living (barely) as an Advocate/Professional Mentor working with eight "at risk" first grade boys and their families. It was tough work. Like having octuplets and 8 sets of in-laws! I loved it! But it got to a point when it became too much, and I resigned my position. In a sense, I abandoned "my boys” and their families.

After QUITTING (no euphemism here) I then spent a year in isolation, depression, remorse, nihilistic oblivion and eventually... healing.

So that was 5-6 years ago, but yesterday I attended a talk on Multicultural Education for students and teachers, followed by workshop for just teachers. Social issues were discussed and...

At 2:47AM (3-4 hours ago) I am awake wondering how “my boys” are doing...

And now...I’m a freakin’ wreck! No, I exaggerate... I mean, couple these feelings with training for a fight...planning for grad school...and a bunch of other sh*t... NO. I am not going to complain.

I chose this and I

Ha…

I chose this

Epiphany.

Writing really is my therapy.

[disconnect]

Now I can go to... go to the day for the sun is up and I am ready to play again.


Let us all ENGAGE in Life-- this process of walking, running, tripping, falling, scraping a knee, shedding a tear (or maybe torrential downpour, haha), having a “loved one” (could be yourself!) kiss your boo-boo, then getting up, smiling and running back to play with the other kids…


Break. Down.

Get Up.

Go

and Repeat...