After having read a friend's blog, [ Hi Shawna ;-) ] I was inspired to dig up these old blogs of mine that relate to the idea of writing to yourself across time.
Anyway for what it's worth...
Blogs Recyled three times over, but hey! It's probably NEW to you!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
About me
Category: Life
So here are 2 entries from my personal writings. So you may know me and where i've been. feel free to comment or send a message letting me know how you are, and where life has taken you. as for me, I am good, really good. My lady and I are taking steps to moving out of the bay area and going back to school. and i just been surfing working writing reading living and just being with folk as much as I can. . .
L-8-r,
philip
So this is what I write to myself:
**take note of the dates. The 1st one was a month or so ago. The 2nd one is recent in its reflections.
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Friday, May 26, 2006
9:10 AM
Millbrae home
Sloth, Ineffective, forgetful of ones personal goals, He wants to do more with time. More than just watch TV mindlessly. Sleepy Relaxing . . . just to be lazy
Push yourself dam it! Push yourself out from your own skin, and FEEL change. Be change. Conscious change. Body, Exercise: make time for it and get over laziness. Heart: remember to see people, understand them, cherish your time with them, nurture relationships. Pay attention when they speak. Listen. Ask them how they are. Make them feel special. Spirit: Analyze and reflect on morals and how you are living. Are you living the way you ought to? Mind. Exercise your intellect. Learn. . study. . . stay on top of responsibilities.
And . . . My problem. what I need to work on:
Walking the talk
I know these things and believe these ideas/notions, but I don’t really live them, practice them. they do not emanate from my being. And that is failure in a sense.
I pray that I will live more consciously.
I pray that I will live more consciously.
I pray that I will live more consciously.
Follow thru on these thoughts of mine, live these thoughts of mine and feel the change in each and everyday. Turn the whole thing upside down . . . I can try. I will try, I will do.
Reflect, Appreciate Analyze Understand, Anticipate
So now SHOW don’t just merely TELL
And start writing this novel . . .
Character learns his morals thru time,
And today in this anything goes type of society.
SO me.
Why do I do things?
To aspire to goodness?
So what is goodness?
Let me think on that more. ..
Vice and virtue tradition.
I want to consciously decide how I want to live.
I don’t want to just live my life.
I want to live my life as how I have decided.
Not just live merely what is prescribed to me by society.
Let me figure it out for my self.
Think on it deeply.
Give my self time to think on things more often.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
3:55 PM
Mild Millbrae Summer Afternoon
I was browsing the shelves at the local library today, and spotted a book titled The Promise Remains or Keeping the Promise or something along those lines. I didn’t bother to pull the book from the shelf, but the title struck a chord with me. The phrase Promises you make to Yourself came to mind. So I wondered if there were any promises I had made with myself in my younger days that I have yet to keep. . .
So what were the dreams I held to as a young teenager?
What did I NOT want to lose as I became an adult?
What feelings did I want to stay with me? What did I want to keep with me as time moved me forward and I began to mature, began growing older and losing my youthfulness?
What ideas, beliefs defined me in those days . . . I wonder . . .
Who was I when I was coming of age, as I know I have changed.
Only I truly know the answers to those questions. But here are a few things that come to mind about who I was:
Even back then I wanted to be a writer. I remember sometime in high school I wrote out a contract between me and my best friend that before I was 30 I would be a published writer. We bet $ 100 (Back then that was a BIG chunk of change. We were in high school with just part time jobs, you know!) So even then I loved the power of words . . .
What else. Oh man. Back in the day I was quite the Romantic. . . Love Sick Puppy, and just really Free Spirited . . . and I was dam proud of being that way, too.
I had hella Slow Song Tapes and was just so into Wishing on Stars, Expressing the Love I felt for _______ or _______ depending on what time period were talking about (they will remain nameless, hahaha, though if you really know me you probably know their names or will know that you were one of those names, hahaha, anyway). I was always in Love and not only with the women I loved and still do, but I felt Love for simply Being Alive. I was so Inspired and Stoked on Life back then. . .
But I was governed by Emotion. Very little Reason back then . . . so as I grew older I swayed back and forth between the two extremes and now I am happy to say: I am a Balanced Individual who is eager to learn the Wisdom and Truth of those that surround me. . .
So my friend, please share some of your Truth with me.
Her are some of the reflections I see staring at me from the past. Snippets from my 28 years on this Earth
In my life:
I have been the Day Dream Believer,
I have been the Heart Broken Boy picking flowers for his lost love and taking walk all alone in the late afternoons
I have been the Pragmatist, Mr. Productivity, Senor E`fficience` (haha)
I have been the Chain Smoking, Nihilistic, Self Destructive Loner, Pushing the World Away
I have been the Idealist; the Fight the System, take down the man Rebel Kid
I have been Naïve, I have been Used. I have been wronged and I have done wrong.
I have been stupid
I have been clever
I have been boastful,
I have been humble(d). . .
I have been the Poet, spending late hours of the night writing on my lot in life, Full of Questions, Brooding on Philosophy, waiting for Discovery and on the verge of something new and foreign to my young mind back then.
I have been the observer. Watching from the sidelines and learning how things work and wondering how they could be done differently.
I have been the older brother, the oldest son, the close friend, the jealous boyfriend, the wacky co-worker, the mysterious quiet one in the group.
I have been much in my life.
I have been and continue to be human
I relish in Individuality within Community
And now I know that we must always be generous with what we have . . .we must be right with ourselves before giving into something/someone else. . . and we must Love, and we must Teach and Feel and really Think, really Ponder on things . . . and always Change for the better . . . Fall, for we all do, but Do Not Fail to Rise and Open Your Eyes, Learn. We all have something to learn . . .
Peace to you and yours and theirs and or maybe just you, but not really . . . cuz no one is alone unless they want to be.
Peace Love Positivity and Consciousness . . . and then some. . .
4:53 PM
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Sunday, September 23, 2007
Life, I wonder. . . Current mood: creative Category: Blogging
Exert from a letter TO a friend [appended with extrapolated ideas and edited to fit a BLOG format. hahaha, I be getting hella technical with my description of these words typed; man . . . there just words, hahaha]
Me writing to a friend:
…I'm good. I can honestly say I love my job, I love what I do for a living (City College). Well, actually I can say I love my jobs. I enjoy working at the Surf Shop from time to time. I am also finding that working at Longs Drugs is actually fun when I just work a few hours and only on Saturdays.
And with Kickboxing 3 times a week, Surfing once or twice a week and Working on my Writing in my leisure moments, I must say life is grand.
Ahh... Life.
I wonder where we'll all be in 15 years. We'll be 44-45 years old (for you that are my age). Will one of us have a family by then?
Hmmm....
I definitely DO WANT a family. So I'm putting aside a little from every paycheck for that.
Seriously, 15 years will pass in the blink of an eye.
And man... I got dreams I want to make happen;
What's the use of dreaming if you ain't gonna make 'em come true? Ya know.
Are we just hoping to hope? Or do we hope that one day these wishes will come to fruition?
Hazy dreaming or a crisp clear REALITY?
Yes... Dream, we all should imagine a brighter place, but don't stop there. Make it happen, dig?
"Would you rather have a dream or some substance? . . .
a Lexus or Justice?
a Beamer, a necklace or …FREEDOM!"
--Dead Prez
Aight, I kinda got off topic but dig:
I'm living life day to day and enjoying it all and at the same time, building a foundation for the future. I live in the present, prepare for tomorrow and…
often times I find myself in reverie recalling where I've been in this life: how People who are still in my life today and also people who used to be in my life long ago, how both have shaped my identity. How all these life experiences are part of me and I take them with me as I journey forward gaining new layers and seeing new colors…
Ah life... I love it.
Now to go back to the part where I write:
And man... I got dreams I want to make happen:
and they are Raising a Family, Continuing my Career in Education and Serving Students, Traveling, Writing...
Funny...Now that I think of it
I AM Living My Dreams
Today and Everyday.
I am truly blessed. I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, get some more Traveling in and then when and if the universe allows it, hopefully I'll have a woman and kids to grow together with =)
And that is life...
Well... life as I see it at the young age of 29. We'll see what I have to say in 15 years!
I haven't talk about death, loss, heartache, and all the injustice in the world, but it is there and I am aware of it, but we do what we can and try to live our lives as balanced as we can.
So how YOU livin'?
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