"Through myself and back again..."

Saturday, September 13, 2008 morning

Character Idea:

In his personal quest for social justice, to change the world for the better and at the same time remain true to his ideas of self expression and individualism within community, the Optimistic Idealistic Charismatic (OIC) character faces social obstacles that would leave the “normal” person feeling destitute and hopeless, but OIC’s almost “divine” optimism carries him thru to yet more obstacles. His “followers” and admirers (maybe the reader get’s strung along routing for OIC) are eager for a “pay off” for OIC. They feel/believe he deserves some recognition or at least to see some of his "noble" visions turned to a reality.

OIC meets an untimely demise, never getting “the pay off.” His followers “feel” tragedy, but the wiser friends of OIC know that for OIC it was more about the journey than the destination. Life is struggle and struggle is ongoing, less you are a sheep, unaware and herded along. At some pointS in our lives most of us are sheep. And that is just life…

OIC is forgotten by most, remembered by a few inspired. These few manifest OIC‘s being/attitude towards life in their own daily lives.

OIC knows that flawed perfection is perfection. Perfection is flawed. OIC was, is and still…





Same day, but late into the night

Dr. Zhivago

Passion and principle. It does not end well, in terms of happy endings. But as a writer, I feel it ends very well. It ends as it should, honestly, realistically.


I think about my own life.

Sometimes I want to detach from everyone I know. Move somewhere far way and attempt to live a new life.

Sometimes I want to fully embrace those I love, those that I like and those of whom I care for.

But I think I am too much. I am too much for anyone to take. To really know me, all of me, even just most of me, might be too much... I feel I will be unintelligible in many ways. And I might confuse anyone trhat I "truly" let in, scare them away with my eccentricities. I wish someone would find me, and save me. No not really. That might work well for a character in a story, but that is not what I really feel about myself. I feel I could be/am happy living as I have thus far and it is because I know myself. I know myself. Someone remind me to explain that one of these days. Sometimes I think I may live alone and just write… write for myself and for anyone who will read me.

But I am just day dreaming in the late hours of the night. This is just talk. I am caught up in someone else’s story. I tend to that--take the role of characters, characters in others stories, characters in my stories...

Tomorrow I will be back to being happy-go-lucky on the outside, but on the inside, searching for something else, something deeper, just going with the day. Ah well.

"Through myself and back again..." is a line from a Counting Crows' song.