Going thru the archives... i dug this up. I feel like I should work on it some more, but I know, right now, I won't. For what it's worth, check it out:
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Going No Where
Current mood: apathetic
THIS IS JUST A STORY AND ONLY
"SEMI"-AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL
AND FROM A DIFFERENT TIME.
SO DON'T GET IT TWISTED.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Window down, driving alone headed NOWHERE
The open road and the wind keep me company.
Soon it will be dark.
I take out a cigarette and smoke while I drive. . .
There has to be a bar somewhere, where I can . . .
Sitting at dingy bar in the middle of NOWHERE
There is a drunk old man sitting next to me leaning against the wall. An older gentlmen comes in and orders a beer. After a few sips, he goes out for a smoke. Outside in front of the bar, I join him. After taking a drag from my cigarette I ask him:
"Do you think Death is perfection or Perfection is death?
He says some words of Zen wisdom and holds my face between his two hands and say:
"Brother, rest easy.
There is a listlessness about you;
All is as it should be.
Rest easy."
We go back into to bar and have another beer.
He tells me stories of his son and his ex wife, his travels and what life experience has taught him, he also tells me that he's on his way to see an old friend. He leaves and we wish each other well.
I get back on the road headed out of NOWHERE . . . trying to rest easy.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Stream of . . .
Phone call. Hesitated answering, but did. Listened and asked questions...
Still taking it in, digesting it and sorting out the stuff inside.
Before this, was getting quite comfortable with the way life was going, but now... ambivalent...rather now in the process of sorting things out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On this cold, moist Christmas morning, I sit drinking coffee in a see-through glass mug. No one home, but for the snoring dog wrapped in a bundle of blankets in her pet bed and myself...
I love still moments like this.
Let the mind simmer and stew.
Thoughts on the coming weeks:
Brother and sis-in-law will be over later today.
Snowboarding Day trip to Tahoe tomorrow.
A road trip to Arizona in the works.
I'll need to run a few miles tonite, and find a gym in AZ to train in, if I do go there.
Oh snap! maybe I should-N'T go Snowboarding in Tahoe 2mrrw...Hmm... maybe better idea to rest ankle and do some light sparring instead... hmm... gotta think about that.
When training for a fight...your world revolves around TRAINING, DIET and REST. Fun is replaced with focus and self-discipline...well, fun is still there just in a different form-- trying out a new combination, playing with footwork, trying out "trick" strikes, changing rhythms...
Self discipline:
At my family's Christmas party last night, I ate in moderation and had just one glass of wine. Normally I would be eating (a lot), drinking (a lot more) and being merry!
Watching and playing with my many, many nieces and nephews second cousins, my cousins' kids) and being with my HUGE family, THAT is enjoyable in itself. fun fun fun.
ah well.
And what's my point? None, just sitting sipping my coffee in a translucent cup and taking life as it comes on a slow day like this,
and woah! out of no where hail is pelting the window like a million BB's tap tap tapping. wow. in a matter of minutes our red wooden deck i see out from my window... the red is now white with fallen hail.
anyway... peace to you and yours.
Still taking it in, digesting it and sorting out the stuff inside.
Before this, was getting quite comfortable with the way life was going, but now... ambivalent...rather now in the process of sorting things out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On this cold, moist Christmas morning, I sit drinking coffee in a see-through glass mug. No one home, but for the snoring dog wrapped in a bundle of blankets in her pet bed and myself...
I love still moments like this.
Let the mind simmer and stew.
Thoughts on the coming weeks:
Brother and sis-in-law will be over later today.
Snowboarding Day trip to Tahoe tomorrow.
A road trip to Arizona in the works.
I'll need to run a few miles tonite, and find a gym in AZ to train in, if I do go there.
Oh snap! maybe I should-N'T go Snowboarding in Tahoe 2mrrw...Hmm... maybe better idea to rest ankle and do some light sparring instead... hmm... gotta think about that.
When training for a fight...your world revolves around TRAINING, DIET and REST. Fun is replaced with focus and self-discipline...well, fun is still there just in a different form-- trying out a new combination, playing with footwork, trying out "trick" strikes, changing rhythms...
Self discipline:
At my family's Christmas party last night, I ate in moderation and had just one glass of wine. Normally I would be eating (a lot), drinking (a lot more) and being merry!
Watching and playing with my many, many nieces and nephews second cousins, my cousins' kids) and being with my HUGE family, THAT is enjoyable in itself. fun fun fun.
ah well.
And what's my point? None, just sitting sipping my coffee in a translucent cup and taking life as it comes on a slow day like this,
and woah! out of no where hail is pelting the window like a million BB's tap tap tapping. wow. in a matter of minutes our red wooden deck i see out from my window... the red is now white with fallen hail.
anyway... peace to you and yours.
Monday, December 22, 2008
"Back on the scene, crispy and clean..."
"Back on the scene, crispy and clean..." is a lyric from "The Choice is Yours" by Black Sheep (90's hip hop group).
So I'm back... on the scene as it where. So what social commentary do I want to make? What interesting experience do I want to share? What do I want to gripe about, whine about, complain about, rant....
Having asked all that, now I'm wondering why I'm doing this blogging thing again!?
Well, I will share one experience:
I was out in the city this past Saturday at Club 6 on Sixth St. with some folks.
Sidenote: The movie RENT has a scene at Club Six, though, RENT takes place in NYC, NOT San Francisco. I remember a few years ago when the cast and crew where here in the city filming; I wanted to go to Club Six, so I could holla at Rosario Dawson!
So anyway, back to my story, this past Saturday... it's a little after 1am; the club is pretty packed. Some folks and I are in the basement portion of Club 6. The DJ is spinning 90's hip hop mixed in wit' some hyphy... people are getting their groove on and their drank on.
We notice a ruckus break out in the corner, the music stops, some lights come on. I notice people coughing, others shield their face by pulling collars up to their mouth/noses. Tear gas/pepper spray is in the air.
Making my way out, I walk by two semi-conscious bodies on the floor. I'm guessing dudes that were in the fight or innocent bystanders, don't really know. I go up the stairs and out the door to the night air of Sixth St.
In the middle of the street, stopping traffic are drunk dudes swinging at each other. A shirt is ripped then taken off. Bouncers are screaming "Get the FUCK outta here!" Women are screaming and trying to get bewteen the combatants. The cars waiting for the street to be cleared honk their horns. Then the sirens fill the air.
SOMA (South Of Market Area) Life...
Yeah. Some places, some people...it's like that, and that's the way it is.
Why don't I steer clear of those people and places? I don't because I ain't scared; I can handle myself in the ghetto. Now, although I understand this behavior, I do NOT condone it.
Yah see...I've had an ECCLECTIC upbringing: I am ghetto, I am proper, I am intellectual, I am empathic...
and maybe EMPATHY is what draws me to ALL people. I acknowledge apsects of myself in others. And I don't hide from myself.
Hmm...
So I'm back... on the scene as it where. So what social commentary do I want to make? What interesting experience do I want to share? What do I want to gripe about, whine about, complain about, rant....
Having asked all that, now I'm wondering why I'm doing this blogging thing again!?
Well, I will share one experience:
I was out in the city this past Saturday at Club 6 on Sixth St. with some folks.
Sidenote: The movie RENT has a scene at Club Six, though, RENT takes place in NYC, NOT San Francisco. I remember a few years ago when the cast and crew where here in the city filming; I wanted to go to Club Six, so I could holla at Rosario Dawson!
So anyway, back to my story, this past Saturday... it's a little after 1am; the club is pretty packed. Some folks and I are in the basement portion of Club 6. The DJ is spinning 90's hip hop mixed in wit' some hyphy... people are getting their groove on and their drank on.
We notice a ruckus break out in the corner, the music stops, some lights come on. I notice people coughing, others shield their face by pulling collars up to their mouth/noses. Tear gas/pepper spray is in the air.
Making my way out, I walk by two semi-conscious bodies on the floor. I'm guessing dudes that were in the fight or innocent bystanders, don't really know. I go up the stairs and out the door to the night air of Sixth St.
In the middle of the street, stopping traffic are drunk dudes swinging at each other. A shirt is ripped then taken off. Bouncers are screaming "Get the FUCK outta here!" Women are screaming and trying to get bewteen the combatants. The cars waiting for the street to be cleared honk their horns. Then the sirens fill the air.
SOMA (South Of Market Area) Life...
Yeah. Some places, some people...it's like that, and that's the way it is.
Why don't I steer clear of those people and places? I don't because I ain't scared; I can handle myself in the ghetto. Now, although I understand this behavior, I do NOT condone it.
Yah see...I've had an ECCLECTIC upbringing: I am ghetto, I am proper, I am intellectual, I am empathic...
and maybe EMPATHY is what draws me to ALL people. I acknowledge apsects of myself in others. And I don't hide from myself.
Hmm...
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
stick a fork in me
Stick a fork in me...I'm done...
with blogging...
If I want to share my thoughts with people, I'll give them a phone call and have a conversation with 'em like people used to do way back when, before the internet.
And right now, I don't care to reach a larger audience.
If you want to know how I'm doing, you can call or e-mail me.
But who knows maybe later...
maybe later.
'til then... do what you do.
-pJ
with blogging...
If I want to share my thoughts with people, I'll give them a phone call and have a conversation with 'em like people used to do way back when, before the internet.
And right now, I don't care to reach a larger audience.
If you want to know how I'm doing, you can call or e-mail me.
But who knows maybe later...
maybe later.
'til then... do what you do.
-pJ
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Jekyll and Hyde
DISCLAIMER: If you are easily offended by vulgar language and negativity, you probably better not fuckin' read on.
If you've known me long enough, you already know I have a dark side. I can be mean, impatient and very confrontational. I will push your buttons, point out your flaws, your fears, your insecurites and then call you a coward from not dealing with it, for not changing yourself; all you do is just bitch and whine and NOT do anything about it. Yes, I can be a fuckin' jerk, an asshole! IN-sensitive
Most of the time that is NOT me. People know me as a "nice guy" who encourages everyone around him, has an optimistic attitude-- Mr. Happy-go-lucky.
Well fuck that guy! THAT Philip has left the building. Actually I cracked him over the head with a 2x4 wooden stud and stuffed him in the basement.
I am Philip's alter ego.
If you've know me long enough, if you know me WELL enough, you know BOTH Philips and know that "Good Guy" Philip will be back shortly.
But let's allow "evil" to speak:
Don't complain to me, I don't want to hear ya shit. Deal with it. Identify the problem, find a solution and carry out that solution.
You want someone to just listen to you, go pay a fuckin' shrink. Waste of money if you ask me. You want someone to validate you, go to one of those dumb ass inspirational feel good seminars that help you realize you are somebody. Losers!
Deal with your shit on your own. Sit with the pain, Swim in your sorrow, your frustraion. Until it wears itself out.
You say: help me, help me. i say: help yourself, motherfucker! what your really saying is enable me, enable me, so we can be co-dependant. You fall, I pick you up, You fall again, I pick you again. and it goes on and on. Why don't you pick yourself up, you lazy fuck.
Ahh.... i think I've spit out enough venom.
What's this? "Good guy" philip is coming to... he is... CONSCIOUS. Bye bye asshole Philip.
No, the truth is I am complex. Good and bad exist is a strange balance, in an intricate rhythm: stop, go, fast, slow, stop, go, fast, slow; moving forward in time like a melody-- long high notes followed by short,quick, low notes with a few Heavy Metal (Metallica-like) cymbal crashes in the mix.
Ok. Have a nice day =) hahaha
If you've known me long enough, you already know I have a dark side. I can be mean, impatient and very confrontational. I will push your buttons, point out your flaws, your fears, your insecurites and then call you a coward from not dealing with it, for not changing yourself; all you do is just bitch and whine and NOT do anything about it. Yes, I can be a fuckin' jerk, an asshole! IN-sensitive
Most of the time that is NOT me. People know me as a "nice guy" who encourages everyone around him, has an optimistic attitude-- Mr. Happy-go-lucky.
Well fuck that guy! THAT Philip has left the building. Actually I cracked him over the head with a 2x4 wooden stud and stuffed him in the basement.
I am Philip's alter ego.
If you've know me long enough, if you know me WELL enough, you know BOTH Philips and know that "Good Guy" Philip will be back shortly.
But let's allow "evil" to speak:
Don't complain to me, I don't want to hear ya shit. Deal with it. Identify the problem, find a solution and carry out that solution.
You want someone to just listen to you, go pay a fuckin' shrink. Waste of money if you ask me. You want someone to validate you, go to one of those dumb ass inspirational feel good seminars that help you realize you are somebody. Losers!
Deal with your shit on your own. Sit with the pain, Swim in your sorrow, your frustraion. Until it wears itself out.
You say: help me, help me. i say: help yourself, motherfucker! what your really saying is enable me, enable me, so we can be co-dependant. You fall, I pick you up, You fall again, I pick you again. and it goes on and on. Why don't you pick yourself up, you lazy fuck.
Ahh.... i think I've spit out enough venom.
What's this? "Good guy" philip is coming to... he is... CONSCIOUS. Bye bye asshole Philip.
No, the truth is I am complex. Good and bad exist is a strange balance, in an intricate rhythm: stop, go, fast, slow, stop, go, fast, slow; moving forward in time like a melody-- long high notes followed by short,quick, low notes with a few Heavy Metal (Metallica-like) cymbal crashes in the mix.
Ok. Have a nice day =) hahaha
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